A Full Heart... and Garden

Is it just me or is an afternoon nap on the couch very different from an afternoon nap in bed?

A nap on the couch, tucked around pillows and books and all manner of cats and dogs, is practically a recreational activity for me. I save couch naps for when I don't need the sleep, but for when I want the rainy-day cozy experience. Couch naps are when I can really enjoy sleeping - when sleep feels like a well-earned pleasure and not a guilty escape.

Napping in bed is more medicinal. Prescriptive and rigid. Not fun. A bed nap is a chore on the never-ending chores list. Napping in bed is for when I need the sleep and I also need the sleep to be good.

But - napping in bed stirs up negative emotions and memories. I'm capable of napping in bed during the day when I need to, but my heart can't rest properly when I do. There's a guilty association for me of all of the actual years I've spent sleeping to avoid my life, whether due to depression, anxiety, or just hiding from life circumstances to pass the time.

I genuinely believe in having no regrets (aka ragrets), because, to me, life feels like everything has happened to bring me right where I needed to be right now. What's done is done, and everything I've lived has found a way to help others somehow. That mindset helps me when I'm going through something shitty, too, because I know I can turn a bad experience into to something that can help others. If you know me, you know I live to be helpful.

But if I had to name one thing I'd have done differently in this life so far - I would have spent much less time in bed hiding from my life for as long as I did.

Why am I talking about naps and sleeping? Well, honestly, it's because I've got about 5 really good blog drafts in progress, but none are finished yet. Talking about naps seems like an easy enough post to send out on a sleepy Sunday evening. I have been writing consistently, but not posting consistently, and I am working on both.

I spent most of my weekend outdoors in the yard, reclaiming the overgrown and overly invaded space.

We've been in our house five years this August. The first three summers I virtually lived outside (2021-23). Constantly creating fun spaces of my own - added a pond, raised garden beds, fire pit.... Usually on my own or with the dogs, listening to audiobooks or music and really enjoying my first (and hopefully last) house and home.

But the two years after that (2024-25) I had to give up gardening to face two giant battles. In 2024 I never went outside - life was all about supporting my amazing husband, who is now thankfully in remission from the cancer he fought so hard against! In 2025, just when I thought I was ready to get back out there, I got really sick and needed to heal myself... because for some cosmic reason, the moment I became emotionally safe in my home, my body decided to wage war on itself via auto-immune problems. But I'm stabilized now.

Here we are in 2026. I'm back in the garden. It's so overgrown, and OVERWHELMING to face on my own, but I'm making progress on this and so many other areas of my life. Getting things back in order, thanks to my amazing cheerleaders and mentors. You know who you are.

My heart has never been so full.

Thanks for being here with me.

Junk Note - if you'd previously responded to an email from this blog, I unfortunately didn't get it. I've changed the settings so that you can reply to the emails now and respond directly to me.