15 minutes, Unstructured

I have only 15 minutes to spare today. One-Five WHOLE minutes that I've dedicated to myself and my thoughts. What can I do with 15 minutes? Well, I suppose I could write a quick blog entry.

I struggle a LOT with structure and routine. I grew up without recognizable structure or routine, and it wasn't until I was older that I really even understood what that was. It's kind of what makes me good at my job - hyperfocus on what's super important now. The other stuff, do later.

My father worked really weird shifts that were aligned with the police department schedule (he is a retired 911 dispatcher). It was so complicated to figure out what days and times he was working, that they had an actual like, full-page grid, that you had to consult with before making plans with the family. He started at 7am some days, 11pm on others. I never knew when he was going to be around, and his work schedule didn't align to mine at school. I just knew that when he WAS around, we had to be quiet so he could sleep.

My mom worked a day job, but at a bank, so she always had these weird early bankers' hours. She'd leave before sunrise, come home early evening then go right back out again on most days. She can't sit still. Never could. We got dragged around to every fair, carnival, flea market, and restaurant in town up until the age that I protested so much that she let me stay home and be my gothic best.

Junk Note - My kids wonder sometimes why I don't go to all the events all the time - this is why. I need to breathe occasionally, or I forget how to.

So . No two days looked the same to me as a kid. I never developed a routine. And I struggle with that a lot to this day. My poor kids do, too, unfortunately. Us Gen X, latch-key kids spent a lot of time on our own. Being alone so much complicated things a bit more for me, because I didn't have a lot of people around to sort of remind me, by example, of what people needed to DO every day. I just kind of make it up as I go along. It sort of works... mostly?

Except on days like today, where due to my lack of planning and structure and routine, I find myself with only 15 minutes to spare.